


Woops!

by rebeccastceir



Series: An End. A Beginning.  - MOOD BOARD [9]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Drinking, Drunken Flirting, Flirting, Innuendo, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Noodle Dragons, Pining, Sleeping Together, Very Very Light Angst, actual noodle dragons, also, dragons as a metaphor, hangovers, our boys got so drunk last night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:15:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27590525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebeccastceir/pseuds/rebeccastceir
Summary: Hanzo wiggled a come-hither finger, and Jesse swayed forward. “I don’ have dragons in m' stomach,” Hanzo slurred, as if it were a secret. “One’s up m’ sleeve.” He pointed drunkenly at his left arm. Motioned Jesse even closer and then tried to wink. He ended up squeezing both eyes shut. “Other one’s in m’ pants.” He nodded, smug.All of Jesse’s higher brain functions shifted south.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada, McHanzo
Series: An End. A Beginning.  - MOOD BOARD [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002075
Comments: 4
Kudos: 115





	Woops!

“Woops!”

Jesse lost his footing and stumbled, knocking his drink into Hanzo’s lap.

They both watched drunkenly as the whiskey soaked into Hanzo’s hoodie and pants.

“‘M sorry ‘bout that darl’n’,” Jesse slurred, swaying a little. “Shoul’ wash that out, ‘fore it stains.” He reached for the hoodie’s zipper and began undoing it. About halfway down it sort of wiggled through his brain that Hanzo wasn’t wearing a t-shirt under his hoodie, and would essentially be half-naked without it. Jesse blinked drunkenly up at Hanzo to see if he minded. Hanzo blinked back, and then looked back down at his hoodie, waiting. Jesse finished undoing the zipper and then grinned.

“There they are!” he cheered.

Hanzo’s magnificent abs, playing peekaboo when he breathed.

“Peekaboo!” Jesse grinned, releasing one half of the hoodie to poke him in the stomach.

Hanzo breathed again, his abs disappearing and then reappearing.

Jesse laughed.

Hanzo wiggled a come-hither finger, and Jesse swayed forward. “I don’ have dragons in my stomach,” Hanzo slurred, as if it were a secret. “One’s up m’ sleeve.” He pointed drunkenly at his left arm. Motioned Jesse even closer and then tried to wink. He ended up squeezing both eyes shut. “Other one’s in m’ _pants_.” He nodded, smug.

All of Jesse’s higher brain functions shifted south. He fell face-first into Hanzo’s neckline.

Hanzo leaned his elbows back on the bar, Jesse’s face in his throat, and looked around at the bar, altogether pleased with himself. There was a table full of drunk college kids in the corner, a few regulars. The world was carrying on as it should be.

The bartender tapped him on the shoulder. “D’he fall asleep? I can order you guys a cab.”

“He izz _not_ asleep,” Hanzo assured him, very pleased with himself, as Jesse’s lips, teeth, and tongue got familiar with his pulse. “I c’n assure you a’ that.” He grinned.

“Maybe I better call you a cab anyways.”

Hanzo blinked around for a few seconds. Then his head bobbled as he craned it back to look at the bartender. “How far izz thi’ place from the base?”

“’Bout half a block,” the bartender said carefully.

Hanzo smacked the bar. “We’ll take a cab.”

He tried to jostle Jesse up out of his throat.

“Hey. _Hey_.”

Jesse grumbled and pushed his face in deeper.

Hanzo grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled him out. “We gotta go _home_ ,” he told him. “We’re scarin’ the kids.” He waved at the college kids in the corner.

None of them were paying any attention.

Jesse just stared back at him, eyes glazed with lust.

Hanzo took a moment to digest this. Recognized a twist of heat in his own gut. He tried to wink again, and leaned forward. “’F we go home now, I’ll show you one m’ dragons.” Another double-eyed wink. “I’ll even let you pick which one.”

A hair’s breadth of consciousness swam up out of Jesse’s pants. He smacked a hand down on the bar and looked at the bartender. “Iss been real.” He gave him a salute as Hanzo tugged him outside by his belt buckle. “I’ll come ‘round tomorra and pay th’ bill.”

The bartender shook his head and grinned skeptically. “Right.”

He knew Jesse was good for it.

He just wasn’t taking any bets on getting it _tomorrow_.

Hanzo pulled Jesse out into the street and put one of Jesse’s arms around his own shoulders, one of his own around Jesse’s.

“Woo, it’s dark out here,” Jesse grumbled, squinting in the streetlight.

“Which way is home?” Hanzo asked.

Jesse looked around and then frowned. “Scary place,” he said, pointing at the end of the street.

They stumbled toward it, holding each other up.

Athena read their palms and retinas, and opened the gate for them.

“D’you think Winston’ll be mad?” Hanzo asked, as they stumbled along, up the long, long - very long - _too long_ \- why was it so fucking long? - drive to the base.

“Winston c’n go suck a banana,” Jesse said. “ _With_ peanut butter.”

They both snickered.

The base was mostly deserted.

It had been a dull couple of weeks, and now that it was both payday _and_ Friday, anyone who _could_ go out had done so. Genji, Lucio, Hana, and Zenyatta had headed to a club. Jack, Ana, Reinhardt, and Angela had gone off to do something horribly boring and grown-up, like have dinner at a nice restaurant. The rest were…

Jesse didn’t care what the rest were. He was being tugged through the hallways by the hottest Japanese man he’d ever seen in his life, who was hanging onto his belt buckle and giggling like a schoolboy, saying things like “You wanna see m’ dragons?” and wiggling his eyebrows.

Jesse _did_ wanna see his dragons.

He didn’t remember exactly how many of them there _were_.

But he definitely knew he wanted to see _all_ of them.

Hanzo rolled awake the next morning with a groan, his left arm and shoulder pinned beneath a weight. He pried his eyelids open, immediately decided that was a bad idea, and squeezed them shut again. Oo. Squeezing anything was a bad idea, too. Maybe just keep them _gently_ closed. At least until the world stopped spinning. Yes. He laid there and breathed through his nose. Yes. This was better.

He took stock of all his bits, trying not to wake any of them up. Left arm and shoulder pinned - that would be Jesse. He knew it was Jesse without even opening his eyes, same as he knew there wasn’t a single other person in the world he would rather be this hungover with.

Not going to examine that thought. It was too early to be having thoughts.

‘Specially thoughts like that.

Rest of his body:

\- Head: raging headache and dizziness.

\- Stomach: could be persuaded to vomit. or not. could go either way. treat with caution.

\- Other limbs: present. unbruised.

\- Sense of smell: tied to stomach. do not antagonize.

\- Mouth: tastes like something died. tied to stomach. rinse with mouthwash and call it a night.

Hanzo took a deep, careful breath in through his nose, and let it out the same way. Sake didn’t usually leave him feeling this bad, so why did he -?

Oh, _right_. The _bar_.

He had let Jesse persuade him to go to the nearest bar, some place that Jesse claimed was very American, and Hanzo had relented because it was close, and he intended to get very, _very_ drunk. And he had done that, apparently. _Spectacularly_ , if his stomach was any indication. He successfully dodged quite a few giggly memories of the night, and fast-forwarded to the part where they stumbled into… was it his bedroom, or Jesse’s? He was going to say it was his, everything smelled familiar. Judging by the state of his stomach, he probably would’ve thrown up if he’d woken up in Jesse’s room. Not because Jesse was smelly - on the contrary, he sme- Nope. He clamped down on that thought too. Not going to have _any_ of _those_ thoughts. _Sunshine-y_ , his brain thought at him anyway. _Soothing_ , the dragons whispered. They wanted to purr and roll to his left, snuggle into the weight there. Hanzo wouldn’t let them. They resented him for it.

 _Taking stock_ , he reminded them. _Finish_.

They put a hand down his boxers.

No sex.

The dragons were disappointed.

Hanzo was too, if he were being honest.

The dragons latched onto the disappointment and filled him full of memories of the night before, lingering on the parts with Jesse’s face in his neck, hands sliding around his bare skin under the hoodie. Giggling and making innuendo in the hallway, his fingers looped around Jesse’s belt buckle, the glazed look in Jesse’s eyes. Why _hadn’t_ they had sex?

Hanzo wasn’t sure.

Neither were the dragons.

All three of them -

Jesse groaned, pushing his face deeper into the pillow. “ _God_ , what _hit_ me?” he grumbled.

“Cheap whiskey,” Hanzo said. “’S _your_ fault.”

Jesse stirred, just enough to turn his head and blink blearily at Hanzo. “You feel this bad, too?”

Hanzo nodded as little as possible.

“Sorry.” Jesse winced.

“You should be.”

Hanzo mumbled the words that sent the dragons scampering out of his skin, and Jesse grunted as Ramen clambered up over his body and across the bed. Semi-independent of both Hanzo and each other, the dragons could maintain just enough focus to take on simple tasks, and Hanzo sent Ramen to the bathroom for his bottle of ibuprofen, and Udon to his desk, for the bottle of water. Ramen came back with her bottle quickly and dropped it on Hanzo’s chest, then scampered over him to love on Jesse, while Udon dragged the water bottle across the floor by its cap. It was slightly too heavy for him to lift in his current size, and Hanzo didn’t have the energy to give him more, so the noodle dragon dropped it by the edge of the bed, and climbed up Hanzo’s arm when he reached down to get it. Udon, too, immediately abandoned him for Jesse, and Hanzo gingerly reclaimed his left arm and sat up. Jesse was giving the wiggly little dragons gentle scratches and pets with his fingertips, not really ready to sit up and dote on them just yet, and Hanzo wondered if Jesse knew just _how much_ of the dragons’ behavior reflected his own desire to- Nope. Not having _that_ thought, either.

He downed two pills, shoved the thought away, and fought his stomach as the water sloshed around. Then he nudged Jesse with the bottles.

Jesse pushed up on his elbows to take them, and Hanzo quietly recalled the dragons.

“Y’don’ _have_ to take ‘em back,” Jesse husked, disappointed. “I _like_ ‘em.”

Hanzo didn’t have the energy to resist those puppy-dog eyes. He shook them loose again.

They scampered around, chasing each other across the bed, and then around Jesse’s neck and shoulders. Ramen, especially, entwined herself around his neck, humming and chirping, rubbing her head against his stubbly jaw.

“Hey, little girl,” Jesse chuckled, giving her love.

Udon belly-rolled between Jesse’s elbows, demanding tummy scratches.

Hanzo closed his eyes. Sluts, both of them.

Jesse chuckled and continued loving on the fuzzy noodles.

It was absolutely pathetic how jealous Hanzo was.

Jesse continued playing with them for a few more minutes, and Hanzo eventually slid back down in bed watching, trying to make himself believe the affection was meant for him. A minute later Jesse casually put an arm around his waist and pulled Hanzo underneath him. “Goo’ morning,” he grinned down at him.

Hanzo squeaked. Dear gods, the man moved him like he weighed _nothing_.

Jesse’s eyes roamed over his face, and Hanzo suddenly got the feeling Jesse had known all along what Hanzo’d been trying to do last night, what he wanted. What the dragons represented.

“D’you mind if I kiss you?”

Hanzo quickly shook his head, and the dizziness he felt at the gesture was quickly swallowed in the euphoria of Jesse’s lips on his own. The dragons faded into his skin, and Hanzo let his hands explore what he’d been aching to touch for over a year. Who _cared_ if Jesse tasted like cheap whiskey and morning breath? He was _Jesse_ , and he was in _Hanzo’s bed_.

Despite his hangover, Hanzo was entirely certain this was the best morning he’d ever had in his _life_.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing these two as soused idiots was a lot of fun.
> 
> When Hanzo thinks of "them" as "sluts" he's referring to the noodle dragons, and by extension himself. *Not Jesse.* Just wanna make that clear.
> 
> I couldn't find anything canon about Hanzo's dragons, but fandom has seemed to settle on their names. I like the idea of one being female and one male - yin and yang, the balance of dark and light, female and male, respectively, is an important concept in Asia, and it seems appropriate that (probably young) Hanzo would have assigned this duality to his noodle dragons, too.


End file.
